Forgiveness: Single mamas Edition.

I read a joke somewhere that the only bad thing about being pregnant is that everyone knows what you did....so imagine being single with this biiiiiggggg belly. Everyone gives you the look, you know that look. Some even have the guts to ask whether you know about e-pills and that kind of stuff! Yes some people can be that crude! You just wanna hide your face somewhere literally like the proverbial ostrich, that buries its head in the sand BUT the rest of the body is out there.

 





So as a single mom what is the most important thing you want to hear? That you have forgiven yourself and that most of all you have made peace with the Almighty..


It is important to note that the bible is strongly against sex OUTSIDE marriage. It is a sin, infact one of the greatest sins because one sins against his/her own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (emphasis is mine)

But our God is faithful and just to forgive no matter what kind of sin we have committed and the best part is that when you run to him there is no condemnation according to Romans 8: 1

 I struggled with guilt for so, so long until I came across the story of the woman that was caught in adultery in the book of John: 8.1 Can you imagine that woman was caught in the act, yes IN the act, with hair all messed up and naked and all that but was dragged out to the public just like that and everyone wanted to stone her, to beat her up, I can imagine they were calling her names, and maybe even spiting on her, but Jesus dared them to stone her if they were without sin. Guess what? No one had the guts to, why? Because everyone has sinned and there is no weighing machine for sin, ati now this sin is bigger than this one. No if you go against ANY of His commandments, sorry to disappoint you honey that is regarded as sin. 

Now to my scripture: ‘John 8: 7 And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." 8 And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. 9But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. 10 Jesus stood up and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 11 She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more."

After all that Jesus let her go, stone free, judgment free, just like that. During this whole fiasco where was THE man? She wasn’t doing it alone now, was she? what about you? You weren’t caught in the act. Maybe your relationship failed for one reason or another, or you built your hopes on the man that wasn’t God’s choice for you or you made mistakes in the past, look up! Why? Because Jesus will never, ever condemn you. People will gossip and say lots of nasty stuff, men will judge you and give you the LOOK, you know that kind of look that says what were you thinking? Some even quote verses like Proverbs 14: 1 just to ridicule you blaming you for the relationship that didn't work, some married folks will sideline you, but stay positive. A consolation is that the decision you have made to be single is way better than staying in that abusive relationship, that unhealthy relationship or hanging on to something that is has no future, being with that random dude who only loves your body or your money or something physical and also its way better than abortion.  

Most importantly forgive yourself and allow God to renew you, get up and start over again...If I could scream from the rooftops and show you something it's to MOVE ON. I dont regret having my baby, I regret the time I wasted mopping while searching for IT and refusing to let go..

A tribute to My Friend

18th June 2012. This is the day I woke up to a zillion missed calls from OLD friends...you know the ones that when you get their missed calls you are too scared to return and wonder what is....and then I got the sad news...that you were no more. I didn't cry that day or the day after, I cried after like three days when I saw all those RIP messages. My heart was broken...I was broken. This is the day I remember you Cylo. My good friend that always busted me...how come you always found me on the wrong? either as high as a kite, or something else and still said hi to me with a straight face without judging me...I remember my visits to your office to see your md that you disliked so much (no not even dislike, we dislike cauliflower and lettuce, loathe is a better word) (m.cotts), no I didn’t date him I still insist. I remember the look you would give me when I walked past where you sat in that office. I can’t remember the year well, but it must have been 2005 or 2006. 

This is a tribute to you my friend...this to let you know that I found God...yes, I know I did last year and the year before and the one before that, but still lived a double life. I found him for real, am a good girl now and don’t do no bad things. My life is all neat and peacefull. I have surrendered my life to Christ and he is in control now. I have let him take the wheel of my life. I wish you were here to see this change and to witness what God can do. In a mess like my life he saw righteousness.

You said that I talk too much (mostly made up stories) and urged me to put it down on paper but I didn’t know that I would be writing about God and for God.

Here is my blog. I call it God's blog, still anonymous but will put it out there soon, maybe not.

I imagine that God looked around heaven and saw how bored the people up there were, so He looked around down here and said to His angels, there is no laughter at the simple things or dancing, so how do we fix this? So God decided to get the funniest guy to fix things up their and got you Cylo. To cheer up all that have gone before us and to make it like a party everyday up there.

 

Today am looking at exactly one year without your funny facebook updates. Today my heart carries a sorrow that I know will not go away tomorrow. I log on to your blog and it’s still the same…no new stuff that would crack me up. I mourn you my friend but not like a person that has no hope, 1 Thessalonians 4: 13. 

Your sudden demise reminded me that I ought to show love more, hug more and appreciate the people around me more... you taught me that it really is not worth the time and effort to sweat the small stuff....and believe me, it's pretty easy to discern the wheat from the chaff! Live everyday as if its your last according to God's will. James 4: 13-17

¹³ Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. ¹⁷ If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

I miss you my dearest friend cylo..

Hope for the single mamas

The other month during our discipleship class our Deacon asked all the singles to stand, yes I am single so I stood. This cute guy that I got along fine with walked up to me like two weeks later and asked me: ‘Then why is your sister calling you mum'

Me: which sister?

Cute guy: Si her, (referring to my 3 year old daughter).

Me: Well that's because she is my daughter, not sister.

Cute guy: I thought you are single?? (insert shocked look)

Me: Yes I am single AND have a daughter.

This conversation was my highlight. Yes I have always covered up being a single mum, excuse after excuse. But the fact that I said those words ‘single AND a mum’ not ‘single BUT a mum’, I knew there and then that things had changed, for the better of course.

Single parenthood is one of the most overwhelming thing ever. You wanna give up, throw in the towel, provide everything for the kids, pay the bills be the mum and the dad without loosing yourself. How is that even possible? You feel so bad about buying stuff for yourself because all you can think about is the baby. Mostly getting along on a shoestring. Personally I cant remember the last time I got myself anything new. I just cant.

I feel that I need to address single mothers so I will do a three part series, of hope, of forgiveness and of moving on...so keep it locked here!

Despite all the fear of not being a good mum, fear of being alone forever, fear of not giving your baby a good life, there is hope. Yes you heard me right, THERE IS HOPE. Do you know Hagar? Don't worry, I didn’t know her either. She was one of the Egyptian servants in Abraham's household, Genesis 16: 16. When Sarah found out that she couldn’t conceive she gave Hagar to Abraham as a surrogate. 

Genesis 21: 1-12. Hagar gave birth to a son and called him Ishmael after a while Sarah also got a son Isaac so during Isaac's weaning festival Sarah decided that she doesn't want Ishmael and Hagar anywhere around Abraham's inheritance and asked her hubby to throw them out. Hagar was betrayed and thrown out into the streets. Not really streets because in those days there were no streets. She was thrown out into the desert to fend for herself and her son. Can you imagine how she felt all alone in the desert with just a skin of water and a piece of bread that would run out anytime? When it eventually did run out, they both cried out, son and mum, son cried because he was hungry and mum cried because she didn’t want to watch the son die! Is this familiar? Do you cry day and night because of the pain of rejection by your baby’s dad or from despair because you do not know when to expect the next meal? From the broken promises, the unanswered calls, the hopelessness, the loneliness? 

It is important to note that Abraham was against Sarah's decision but God asked him to listen to his wife. God then promised to make Ishmael great as well.Just like he would make Isaac great. 

I identify with Hagar. MANY, MANY sleepless nights, tears and more tears, alone with no one to turn to, when everyone around me went around their business and to me it was like time had stopped. BUT God called me out to hold my baby, he promised great things and gave me a WELL that has never dried up since. Genesis 21: 18 Up! Lift up the boy, and hold him fast with your hand, for I will make him into a great nation." 19 Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. And she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. 20 And God was with the boy, and he grew up. He lived in the wilderness and became an expert with the bow. 21He lived in the wilderness of Paran, and his mother took a wife for him from the land of Egypt. (emphasis is mine)

That same God who rescued Hagar, will rescue you today. Come to Him and He will give you rest, Mathew 11: 28. He gave me rest. I no longer worry, I have joy and actually look forward to a new day! You my sister can enjoy that rest too. Just call to him, confess and repent your sins and lean on him. Purpose in your heart to seek him daily! You can find God’s peace when you turn to him. According to Philippians 4: 6-7. 

He will make your daughter or son great, just like he promised to make Ishmael great as well. Our God is not selective, He is a GOD FOR ALL. Your kid will amount to something.  He is the next lawyer, teacher or even president. Don't give up hope, show them all the LOVE and always put them first. As much as you are hurting, your baby is hurting too, he/she feels the gap that has been left. Do not ignore your baby while wallowing in sorrow. Get Up and make their life worth living! 

Don't be desperate and don't be sad either. Do you want people to say to a guy that dates you..'wow, isn't he so terribly brave to love a girl who is so obviously sad?' Don't be the dark sky so that he be the star...be the STAR always, shine bright like a diamond :)

Hagar represents all the single mothers out there, who have been despised and rejected. Stop trying to save yourself, call out to The Lord and all else will fall into place. HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT.

While we look for IT.....

There is an African story about Takeyo that I can’t quite remember was out of which story book. Takeyo was an old man whose job was to take care of the young kids while the rest of the family went out to till the land. One day he ate a piece of liver that was EXTRAORDINARILY sweet. You know the finger licking kind of good. Only one problem though, he didn’t know whose liver he had eaten. So he started randomly killing animals to find the source.  Well it took him killing a lot of stuff including birds, cats, dogs, but didn’t quite get that taste. So this one day he was left with young kids as usual while the rest went to till the land. So he lured one kid to his hut and killed him/her and took out the liver and roasted it and walla that was IT. That was the liver he had eaten a long time ago and had been looking for all this time. So he continued to kill the kids one by one for the liver until one day he was found out.....

Many a times in our day to day lives we look for the IT but don’t quite get it because we do not know exactly what IT is, or where to find it.... IT here could mean a great relationship, a great career, children, success, education anything that you think is gonna fulfill your PURPOSE on earth. 

A story is told in the bible of a woman who broke an alabaster jar at the feet of Jesus. This story is retold in Mark 14:3, Mathew 26: 6-13 and John 12. But I love the John version of the story and this is what I am gonna use as my reference. This alabaster jar contained VERY expensive perfume. Infact a whole year’s wage equivalent of perfume. Can you imagine saving up for like forever to buy something then just breaking it at someone’s feet? 

I love eternity moment by CK when you look at the bottle it doesn’t look very attractive wait until you smell what's in there, HEAVENLY, well at least in my opinion. Can you imagine if I gave you that CK bottle and you didn’t open it, well you would just look at it and wonder what’s in there without ever finding out, infact the bottle looks so simple so you would probably think I have no taste for perfumes.

Well that’s how we live. We are all unique alabaster jars but we either hold on afraid to shatter for the sweet essence to be released or we break them at the wrong feet. Most of the time we break the jar tying so hard to conform to certain patterns of the world or trying to find the IT. Two perspectives here, those who hold on to the jar too afraid to break and those who break it in all the wrong places! 

I broke my jar a million times! First I broke my jar after high school trying to find the right college, then after school trying to find the right job then I hopped from job to job trying to find the IT. Then I met this man and I was like this is IT and broke my jar again at his feet but several years down the line I became empty again because I did it for all the wrong reasons and picked up my jar and waited to break it again else where. Before that, I broke the jar in clubs, in bars, in chamas, in church and every time I thought I found IT I still walked around all empty.

Then I met Jesus. I collected all the pieces of my jar and brought them to his feet. It is interesting to note that when the women broke their alabasters they met resistance from people around then. Speaking in loud voices asking each other why waste such an expensive perfume. You would have sold and given to the poor and all that kind of talk. Yes I also STILL face a lot of resistance from people around me, they keep wondering why I am so INTO JESUS, when there is ‘cooler stuff’ out there, that am wasting my life and that I have become so boring. HERE IS THE NEWS there are so many JUDASeS trying to bring distraction in your walk with GOD. (John 12: 4 - But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, 5"Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?"…emphasis mine) . But one thing I KNOW is that I finally found my IT by breaking my alabaster at HIS FEET.

Pure worship can only come out of a person who has given the most expensive thing; HIS ENTIRE LIFE. It costs something i,e your time your energy and your attention, even your social life. There is a price to pray to fellowship with GOD.

Stop holding on to your alabaster jar, stop trying to find the IT, just allow the LORD to break you, to rip you out of this world and all that it has become. TO break your heart for what breaks HIS, to burn to the ground the idols you have built, to break your pride, your lust, your unrighteousness, your  love for what HE hates, just allow him to break you then he can mould you into what he had CREATED you to be initially. The only way the BEST is gonna come from you is if you break that alabaster. Then we can smell that sweet perfume that you have been hiding.  

Famous quote: Do not keep the alabaster boxes of your love and tenderness sealed up until your friends are dead. Fill their lives with sweetness, speak cheering words while their ears can hear and while their hearts can be thrilled and made happeir by them.