2013: The year that was....

This has been an action packed year but my highlights can be classified as 12 days of Christmas because they surely feel that way!

On the 1st day - God
I had struggled with God for a very long time and I was like, God you are up there and I am down here, stick to your space and let it stay that way, we are cool no? But this year I realized that He is here and He SPEAKS He can be the best friend one can ever ask for and he never squeals on you or bail our or anything. I AM CRAZY ABOUT JESUS and I love HIM to bits. No one can take HIS place. It is by His grace that HE saved me, not for myself but it is the best GIFT ever.

On the 2nd day: Baby dedication:
Baby girl finally got dedicated, no it wasn't a big ceremony like I threw a party and stuff, it was just a private family affair, but in my heart I threw a big party! I wanted to be ready before I dedicated her and I cried all through. My baby sister (not a baby anymore) was there and so is officially her God Mother, does she even know that?

On the 4th Day - I got Baptized!
I went into the water and when I came out I saw that dove, you know the one that came to Jesus when He was baptized? Mathew 3: ¹⁶ As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. ¹⁷ And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Okay just kidding, but really my life changed and I felt like a new person when I came out of that water. Again the celebration was only in my heart.

On the 5th day - My blog
I love to speak out, silence is not my language and most of the time I get lashed out for my big mouth, so my blog is where I RULE, I can say ANYTHING. No one can judge me, you know sometimes when you read facebook updates and you wanna shout who asked you? Well here I can put down anything. Funny no one ever comments But it is very humbling to get feedback from people (which people you say? I hear you) hey I can show you my stats! No really I am HUMBLED to know that I have spoken to someone and enlightened them in one way or another. The calls and texts after a post means a lot. THANK YOU.

On the 6th day - I am more spiritual now:
I found my footing in the Spirit world, I can unleash bible versus like no one's business :) plus I am not so lost you know when someone says refer to the book of Ezra and I be like (eyes popping) 'there is a Ezra in the bible?' Okay I admit that I still go back to the contents because I still don't know the sequence but hey that's why that table is there in the first place! I can say praise God very comfortably and yes as a greeting because I have found a reason to praise him every where and every time. I now have sisters and brothers and you will find sister Mary and brother John in my phone book. For real.I joined a Home Cell Group that have become a family to me.

On the 7th day - Doing away with randoms
I did away with all the UNDEFINED relationships that were cropping up, some came up during the course of the year, prince charming for example, I finally got over his flirts and charm and smile! I felt like a princess while it lasted. I insist that I am a woman and I wanna be pursued and desired and if a man aint upto it then its HIS lose not mine:) Its been hard and I fell a couple of times but I discovered that I am worth SO MUCH and I KNOW that I want a REAL relationship that will lead into something MEANINGFUL. Not just to be strung along for when its convenient for THAT man. Men who want to have their cake and eat it.

On the 8th day- Football
If you have been around me long enough you know how much I HATE football. So my friend dragged me to one of his football matches and I sat through the whole match! Never mind that I kept asking him which direction his team is suppose to move the ball and which goal is theirs! I didn't enjoy one bit, will I ever go to one again? HELL NO. So I told him that is your world and I will stick to my world. It lasted a whole 92minutes! But it went to my book of records because I love his company plus he made me do something no one has ever managed to make me do :) Great, so I now follow the EPL just so I can laugh hard when his team looses (and they have been losing a lot lately), I sound like a sadist I know. And then he sulks and doesn't eat/talk for three WHOLE days, okay just one day. EASY it's just football! I picked a team (Chelsea) to support during the season but sometimes I just want to support WHICHEVER team that carries the day.

On the 9th day - Relationships
You remember my aunt? I can now visit her empty handed and she doesn't give me the look! I have mended a few relationships that were broken including baby daddy. I used to call him all sorts of names and I hated him so much. Infact I had saved him as the devil himself in my phone book, wait don't give me that look! I let go and forgave him. My pastor said that I should learn to forgive BUT should NEVER forget the lessons I have learnt. NO we arent back together and I consider that a closed chapter in my BOOK, but he is working on his relationship with baby girl and I love the way baby girl sparkles and is super excited to talk to him.

On the 10th day - Baby girl lessons:
I learnt so many things and I would need a whole book for this but most important I know that I love my baby and we are a package you know. I learnt that some stages cannot be skipped, for example she had a real phone (mulika mwizi) but one day decided to throw it across the fence for some reason and we never traced it thanks to some quick hands. So she insisted she wants a pink phone that has lights, I thought she wanted a real phone until she pointed out what she wanted! A TOY. never mind how noisy it is and how annoying the lights are but she loves it more than her real phone. She even takes care of it more, while I secretly device a plan of killing it, yes literally.

On the 11th day - The renewing self Journey
I went on a 12week journey just to let go and find me. I have learnt to create boundaries and come out of my shell. I also learnt that men are NOT mind readers, (I used to think they are :( ) and ladies if you want something for Christmas or valentine or your birthday or whatever else just SAY it, don't expect the man to figure it out and then spend your day sulking if he doesn't get you what you want! I have learnt to state my expectations up front and ain't afraid to say NO!

On the 12th day - I am me! 
Finally I decided to be ME, if you don't like it beat it! Okay no really I am more myself now, more confident, know my WORTH according to God's word and can sense deceit from far like a dog (that came out wrong) but yes. I can tell people who are fake and those that are not. My number one prayer is the SERENITY prayer, things that I cannot change I let them be!

I give GOD all the GLORY.

The Ugly Duckling.

We all know the proverbial ugly ducking that was despised by his brothers because he wasn't good looking. But when he left home, the story ends with him turning into a swan and marrying a beautiful swan and them living happily ever after. So we all want to end up being swans, right? We want our imperfections to disappear over night! 

Most of us drown in the imperfections we have carried since childhood. Too fat, too thin, too tall, bad hair, big nose, you know the list is endless! we all want to be like the run way models with perfect bodies. Have you watched Stepford Wives? Its a very old movie and when I saw those women I was like my God how can one be this perfect? Perfect clothes, perfect cook, perfect dancer..till I got to the end of the movie and realized they were mere robots! goodness me! I almost died of envy. Well by the way some imperfections are brought about by circumstances in our lives and you feel like you are not good enough to be number one. Some situations like not being able to have children and yes I have met single mothers who by virtue of having children/child think they can never find love again and always settle for anyone! No, God has a key to every lock that he has made.

  So Yesterday I was reading the story of Leah and Rachel in the bible, Genesis 29-30. Rachel came out as a picture perfect model, tall, slender, with dimples,  flawless skin and a graceful walk. Jacob  just lay his eyes on her and fell in love and immediately wanted to make her his wife and didn't even care about the cost! Rachel was clearly the apple of her father's eyes too because Laban said to Jacob that he would rather give her to him than any other man. Leah on the other hand was portrayed as ugly, was sightly and had weak eyes (In my imagination that's a squint?)Genesis 29: ¹⁷ Leah's eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance.


Jacob had to be tricked to be with her! As in she wasn't good enough to get a suitor and someone had to be tricked into marrying her. I can imagine the look on Jacob's face when he finally awoke after the wedding and found Leah in Rachel's place! He even agreed to work seven more years just to be with his dream wife Rachel. Eventually Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah and was always in his heart and he favoured her. Leah comes out as a stumbling block to their love story. You know though she was the first wife she always felt like the other woman.

Even when you feel rejected just know that God will eventually make you great. He closed Rachel's womb and opened that of Leah and Leah recognized her children as gifts from God even the way she named them. ³¹ When the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, saw behind Leah’s tender eyes and discerned her heart. Leah may not have been “lovely in form,” but she was exactly what God was looking for through whom to establish the house of David and the lineage of Christ.

We have all lived through rejection in one way or another, not being good enough for someone and always being second best. We all wish that our story would end with us turning into swans and marrying that swan and living happily ever after. See Leah lives well and Rachel is eventually so bitter about not being able to give children and when you follow her story she ends up destroyed. Her story is not a happy ending after all but Leah's is.

The Lord through this story has shown us that we are all perfect in his eyes. It does not matter what the world has created perfectness to be. You, honey, are the apple of God's eyes and out there, there is a Swan for each of us, yes even the Leah's of this world and eventually you will meet him. So don't settle for just any Random that says one simple sweet word.

Christmas is here!

Baby girl has really grown and I cant believe I hold REAL conversations with her. Okay sometimes they are weird conversations and I wish the sky falls down on her English Teacher but hey, she tries. My brother shouldn't hear this because he used to swear that my school should have received a recognition for being the world's School of BROKEN English. He said our English was very, very bad especially the grammar and diction! Anyway yesterday was just one of those days that I had a really bad day.

Baby Girl: How was your day?
Me: Mummy had a bad day
Baby Girl: (rolling her eyes) birth day?
Me: No BAD day
Baby girl: You say today is my birth day? Where is my happy birthday (Cake) and who will sing for me?
Me: No I mean....
Baby girl: Si you said its Christmas? (Big mistake because every morning she asks 'is today Christmas'?)
Me: Okay forget about my bad day lets talk about Christmas, what do you want?
Baby girl: (Counting her fingers) Dress, shoes, socks and blue braids....(why are kids rocking blue, purple and red braids?) Oreo, zing, chocolate for all my babies...(she has a gazillion teddy bears)
Me: How about I just buy Oreo and we skip the rest?
Her: Long laughter and finds something else to do

Thank God kids have an attention span of an ant and talk about this the next minute its that because some conversations! Before you figure out what to say they already found something else to say.

This conversation reminded me of my childhood Christmas. My parents weren't particularly wealthy, okay not wealthy AT ALL, but they managed to buy us NEW outfits for Christmas! Yes from Deacons, you know. Christmas was an exciting moment and I looked forward to the lots of food and the splurge on sugar (soda and sweets). The new cloths was a PLUS. Never mind that they were identical and we looked like some sort of misplaced choir. We always got a tree and decorated it and decorated the whole house with 'lieu lieu'. The house looked so Christmassy and warm. We had lots of visitors and my dad's favorite cassette Jim Reeves boomed in the background. I wondered how my parents afforded new clothing for ALL of us and still managed to pay school fees come January and buy new School shoes and Uniform. Did they dwell on loans? Or did they get Christmas booms from somewhere?

Christmas has always been a special family time, and until now it has meant nothing to baby girl so this is her first REAL Christmas. I beat myself for spending so much when she was younger! The first Christmas when she couldn't even walk or recognize anything I bought her an expensive outfit from Enka Rasha, the second one, she could barely speak and she got a dress from my siz in the US, the third well she could speak and walk alright but gave me a blank look when I said merry Christmas and I still spent on stuff that she didn't even understand. Now this year she is already counting down to Christmas and saying merry xmas, hohohoho...I don't know what to get her, her Christmas wish list revolves around edibles. But God willing, I want to give her a nice Christmas complete with a Christmas tree and Christmas lights. Buy her a new outfit and oh well allow her to rock the blue braids. 

Most of the time we make plans and forget to involve God, Just watching my single colleagues planning their drinking escapades and how they will only be sober enough to say hi to their mom and I look at them and say how come you guys don't say Inshaala, i.e God willing? Who knows about tomorrow?  James 4:¹³ Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 

For me Christmas is a time to give thanks and reflect on the year that was. This year instead of spending my time fussing about gifts to buy and food to make, I choose to be like Mary. I have never enjoyed Christmas because I have always been like Martha, worrying about pleasing people with cards and Christmas messages, making lots of food and never taken time to just focus on Jesus and just relax. I always worry about January and how my baby will go to school and how the following year is going to unfold. My prayer is for God to take control and no matter what happens I want to rest in him and just have peace. It has been a difficult year but I thank God because I have grown spiritually and I can count on him because I know that he is a faithful GOD and he will never ever leave.

Stay focused on Christ and slow down this Christmas! 

 Seasons Greetings:) 

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