As it is, Break Me Oh Lord

Lord, You Created me In your own image,
You have moulded me to what I have become,
Help me to be a reflection of you,
Help me to reflect your light through my life
Let me hold your statutes in my heart and walk according to them,
Help me to love what you love and hate what you hate.

Lord Thank you for your continual breaking,
You broke every bad habit that I had,
You shattered my bitterness,
You brought low my pride,
You took away my pain and every grudge that I held,
I walk in humility because of your breaking.

Do you see the broken relationships?
Do you see the almost-lost opportunities?,
Do you see the endless tears?
Well they come from a person that has built her house on anger,
I long to tear down people with spoken words! 
I rain fire when I speak.

Lord I want to control my temper and walk away, but mostly it overcomes me.
Let me remember this season in my life as the season that I struggled with words left unsaid,
Let me remember the souls I have pierced with my words,
Let me remember the enmity and border lines I have angrily created,
Let me forever remember the fires I have started with my own tongue. 

On this day oh Lord, I run to your feet because I am DONE,
I am done with allowing anger to rule me,
Teach me to be courageous enough to walk away from provoking situations,
Teach me to tame my tongue,
Teach me to Not be a chatter box,
Restore me Oh Lord, Revive me oh Lord,
Clean out the junk that I have become thanks to this temper. 

Forgive me for allowing people to manipulate me,
Forgive me for allowing situations to rule my day,
Do not allow me to stoop so low,
Do not allow me to fit in,
Do not allow me to be a people pleaser,
Do not allow me to be fake,
But in all this, Do not allow me to act out of anger again. 

Deal with me Oh Lord,
Deal with the mess That I have created,
Break my temper,
Break my anger,
Break my inability to see other people's point of view,
Break me oh Lord, I pray for your continual breaking,
Until there is no me left, ONLY YOU.

You can tell that I am nothing without YOU!
I am therefore approaching your throne of Grace boldly just as I am,
Simply to ask for your Breaking.
As it is, Break me Oh Lord.

When Your Candle Burns Out......

Many celebrities have gone and all I have done is wish the family well and write RIP…but last Sunday a legend went to be with the Lord. I didn’t know Kaberere personally, nope I will not lie that I even followed him on twitter. However, his music always calmed my soul. It ministered to me and I found him so deep. Modern and hype yes, but very deep. I stumbled upon his music sometime in 2012, then I was like wow who is this? I started listening to them over and over again. He was the kind of celebrity that was not fussed over, you know not all over the media yet alikua ‘mtu wa watu’. He was a true example of what a God fearing musician should be, singing to change lives and not for fame and money.

When I first saw a tweet about his death, I felt so, so broken, like I had lost someone close.  I called up my siz and she was like who the hell is that? Am like how don’t you know him (in my head of course cuz she would have swallowed me alive 'mzima mzima yani') and ended that conversation. 

Yesterday I attended his celebratory concert and that is what got me thinking. My colleagues asked me why I am making a trip across town for a concert, I just smiled. In my head I be like it’s not just a concert, its Kaberere’s! Anyway it got me thinking, when your time comes what will people say about you? How will you be remembered? Will people celebrate your life? As in yes its painful you are gone but they are comforted knowing that you are with the Lord? 

Listening to those tributes I realized that Kaberere lived a full life. He was generous and a cheerful giver. He even picked a suit from his dad’s wardrobe to sort out his pal! How selfless is that? He was a father that PROVIDED for his family well, he gave his all for his family and loved them dearly. He treated his wife like an EMPRESS. Most importantly he was God fearing! I couldn’t help but stare at his photo in admiration. 

Someone once said "People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel"  To be honest I have never been one of those people who care what people say or think, my words sting . I say it as it is, and I say exactly how I feel, maybe I should start sugar coating a bit, no?  I have never really given a thought about what I want to be remembered for. The biggest eye opener from yesterday's tributes  is that I have not lived my life to the fullest and I am so cautious, afraid of being hurt again, always postponing things that ought to be done like visiting people and all that. I don't even do simple things like going to the park with baby girl and doing things that I love like going to the theater and out door games. I plan to live like everyday is my last.

I have given my life to Christ, but do I live ONLY for him? Have I surrendered to him in TOTALITY withholding nothing? I have kept people in my life that ought not to be there and taken fore-granted people that I ought to care about. I attach myself so much to earthly physical things, I do not believe it when I say my morning prayer and ask the Lord to provide my daily bread. I still somehow manage to worry about tomorrow. I want to have the assurance that should I die before I wake, the Lord my soul will take. 

How about you? What are your priorities, in your pursuit to reach your goals are you stepping over other people and treating them all bad? What matters most?  Have you given your life to God? The bible says blessed are those who die in the LORD, not outside, not around but IN the LORD. Revelation 14: 13 And I heard a voice from heaven saying, “Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.” “Blessed indeed,” says the Spirit, “that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them!” (emphasis mine)

Allow me to use an extract from his latest collabo, ‘Mimi mwanake, usiku nitalala, mbele zake maulana sote tuko sawa…loosely translated as 'I am His Daughter/son, I will sleep/rest at night, In  his eyes we are ALL equal. It doesn’t matter honey how many times you have been rejected, what you are going through, how you have been treated because of your situation, how people look at you, He created you for a reason. And after all is said and done he will cause you to sleep at night because he is the giver of peace. Whether you have all the money in the world or a great job or are jobless and do not even know where your meal is going to come from. It is okay! In front of Him the money doesn't count, the outside beauty doesn't count. Never forget that we live by HIS Grace and God created US all in His image. We are all EQUAL and we are all gonna end up six feet under, someday.

Put your hope in Christ and fix your eyes on HIM that you may finish the race and get the crown. And just like Paul let your last words be: 2nd Timothy 4: 7-8 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.

May the Lord comfort his family and give them Strength especially his wife, son and the unborn. His candle's burned out long before his legend ever will. May he dance with the angels.

Teach me dear LORD to live all of my life through your eyes.