I knew God with this notion in mind. That He will watch me from a distance with a big stick waiting for me to fall and boom His punishment would follow. Even as He begun to work in my life, I resisted, complained, whined and wanted out whilst all God wanted was to see me grow. I however wanted an overnight transformation and people around me weren't helping much. When I fell everyone unleashed the judgy Mary side. Thing is the patterns of a sinful heart grow very, very deep, God was determined to change me, I was determined to remain unchanged and continue in my sinful nature.
I realised that our view of God can make us or break us.My view of God was not a pleasant one at all and I got a revelation...no really I did :) yeah the revelation was that My negative view of God was my hindrance to scaling new spiritual heights. The other hindrance was fear. Yeap you heard me well. I was scared to move forward always wanting to hold on to things and scared of tomorrow. Today I am however going to focus on the negative view and how it can affect you too!
Negative view:
Genesis 42 1- 38
We all know the story of Joseph, right? One thing that struck me in that whole story was Joseph's brothers. When Joseph was finally king and there was famine and His brothers came for food, He put food in their sacks and ordered his workers to secretly return the money they had supposedly paid. So on their way back, one of the brother's opens His sack and notices the money, what does he say? God what are you up to now? Okay biblically its thus: Gen 42: 28 He said to his brothers, “My money has been put back; here it is in the mouth of my sack!” At this their hearts failed them, and they turned trembling to one another, saying, “What is this that God has done to us?”' They didn't jump and say Halleluyah thank you, this is a miracle. Nope they just thought we are finished! And God Himself wants to do the finishing! You know we are sure we paid the money how is it that it is still in our bags ee?
But see that was an act of kindness from Joseph. Not only had he given them food, but free of charge! The brothers did not however rejoice and praise God, they pointed accusing fingers at Him like yo God, we had the money to pay and all that kind of thing so we didn't need your intervention. Thank you very much but we were doing just fine without you.
Yep that's me! I am unable to appreciate an act of Grace. You and I are exactly like Joseph's brothers in one way or another mostly on failed plans and during affliction:
When plans fail we think that God is up to no good:
When things do not go as planned I always tell God you know what you dont love me, I get all tearry and tell Him how unfair he is being, I do that for real! yet He is always trying to teach us something. I remember looking for a new job for a very, very long time. I accused God of not being fair when others came in with their testimonies of new jobs. In 2013 I decided to rest and learn what God wants to teach me IN my old job....that happened after praying and a lot of asking God to reveal His purpose and to SPEAK. After a while, I realised He was teaching me humility! I was very, very proud and would talk to colleagues and suppliers as I pleased( as my moods leadeth). I would clash with them and one way or another you would still end up with me., so basically you were stuck with me. My emails had no salutation at all, not even the Dear So and so, I go straight to the point, no etiquette and very rude. I am very manipulative and can twist around a situation until the innocent party becomes guilty. And despite all this, I never lost my job! How amazing is God? I called Him out and told Him to break me completely to deal with my pride. He taught me to be humble and by the time I got this new Job, God has dealt with me until sometimes the way I handle people I cant even believe it. You know all polite and smiling and actually listening to other people's opinions!
What would have happened if I had not yielded to His timing and maybe somehow manipulated someone to give me a job? I would still be walking in pride.
Pain and difficulties.
I have experienced moments of pain and betrayal some extreme some mild and funny thing is that I have always said why God why? Never have I lifted my hands and said glory to God. This past month has been just that. But God is trying to save me from something, yet I refuse to see. I know that I am not alone in this, we see the bad side of God when something happens and we forget that His ways are definitely not ours. I am sure we all want to come out of situations unscratched but God knows if he does that we will crawl right back in, like a pro.
Do you see what we do here? We keep belittling God and telling Him to take a back seat because we think He doesn't want what is best for us. We see all He does through a negative eye. I discovered that no matter what He does, God is always on your team! Never against you.
How did I start seeing God as GOD and not as punisher?
In every situation I stopped asking why and began to ask God to reveal to me the lesson He is trying to teach me. I have started seeing everything as a lesson to grow and not as a form of punishment. I have started seeing this Through God's eyes and not my own.
Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
Yes nothing can separate me from the love of God!
I found two verses that spoke to me even as I went through the pain and heartache:
Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose
Every single thing eventually works our for good. Sounds very hard to believe especially if you are going through really tough times.
I stopped focusing on what I can see. I know my outer self is wasting away but my inner self is being renewed daily.
2nd Corinthians 4:16
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
I was chatting with a colleague who sees God as just God, like you cant have a relationship with Him so He asked me why I talk about God like He is sitted next to me, like He can hear, I told Him yes He does hear and He is right next to me. He has given me joy amidst my tears and has given me peace that surpasses every human understanding. Even I cant explain how I am able to keep smiling.
No matter where you are, God is FOR YOU.
