My dad always told
me that I was born an athlete. I
believed him because hey, he watched me grow so he must have seen something in
me. I always pictured myself in long races like the 21k marathons and then not
panting at the end of the race you know not looking all sweaty and worn out,
holding my medal and eloquently giving my victory speech
‘I dedicate this medal to my dad, who believed in me. To y'all
out there your dreams are valid.....'
Dream on sister, dream on.
When this year started, I made a
bucket list of things to accomplish before end of the year, we all have those,
but I decided to push through with mine. Number one on the list, run a
marathon.
The mater heart run came, my colleagues
cheered me on, and were like yeah bring the cup home, do us proud, bla bla....
(FYI there was no cup/medal/winning, it was a charity event). I was super
excited and even re-did my 'victory speech'. In front of the mirror this time.
In my head I saw cameras flashing, reporters struggling to reach me ...fast
forward to reality.....there were no cameras or reporters.
I pushed right to the front because I
wanted to be ready, I even told off my 'slow friends'. I didn't want anyone
slowing me down, I wanted to stick with the 'fast ones'. We were finally
flagged off and there I was sprinting through the crowd as fast as my skinny legs
could carry me. 100m later I couldn't even move I was practically gasping for
air. I was done! No I didn't give up, lets just say I practically crawled the
remaining 9.9km (maybe it was way less than that but sure felt like a million
kms!)
I finally finished, a gazzilion hours
later, mind you way after the pals I called slow, It was unbelievable. Every
part of my body was aching!
Coincidentally that weekend I watched
some cartoon called Oswald...Henry (a penguin) really wanted to fly. He was desperate
because he has wings and yet cant fly. The sunflower kept encouraging him and
gave him brilliant ideas like putting a propeller on his head, or a kite, or a balloon but still nothing worked. Oswald kept reminding him that he didn't need
to fly because there are so many other things he can do perfectly. Henry became
so obsessed with flying that his friends finally put him in a bubble that
floated. No he wasn't flying but he was so happy. He wasn't created to fly.
Do I know my purpose?
Do I really know what my purpose is or is supposed to
be. What if I am living in an illusion I have created of what I am supposed to
do yet I have been called to do something totally different. What if I am doing
things just because so and so said it’s a good thing and I am good at it?
Sometimes we push
ourselves unnecessarily and force ourselves into things we never ought to do in
the first place. Just because someone said you might be good at it. Am I the
only one being set up for dates? The match makers of this world, pushing you to
a guy. A random that might not even be anywhere close to God's will
Why do we allow ourselves to be
shoved around? how come if someone says I think this is good for you, we don’t
even think about the consequences but just dive in nose first?
Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
I have come to appreciate the fact
that we have so many plans. So many things we think we are good at or things
that we imagine that we are called to do, but one thing that I know, if it’s
not God's plan for you, it will not prosper. Sometimes he allows us to be when
we force our way.
My dad kept telling me that I was
very athletic, no, I don’t remember ever running when I was young. Maybe he was
hoping that I would run and bring the 'millions' home, and I always had this
what if I have wasted my talent? but when I tried and it was a epic fail, I knew definitely
that's not what I have been called to do.
Many things have happened in my life
and I have failed terribly at so many things, from relationships, to career, (I
started off doing something else, now am doing something completely different),
and at my age I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up. It’s like I
am living in the unknown. In some vacuum, daily making a prayer to God to
show me his will, to help me be content with where I am at.
In this vacuum I know a few things
though:
Ephesians 2:10.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good
works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
I am no accident. I was CREATED by
God. But why?
To know God:
Ever since I got to know God and
developed a personal relationship with him, things have been different. Good
different.
I was created for God’s glory.
I know my purpose
is to glorify God in this world.
Isaiah 43:6-7
I
will say to the north, Give up,
and
to the south, Do not withhold;
bring
my sons from afar
and
my daughters from the end of the earth,
everyone
who is called by my name,
whom
I created for my glory,
whom
I formed and made.”
To praise and Worship God and to grow in
the spirit:
The type of person I eventually become is
more important than my failures, my ugly past, my miseries and everything else
that is negative. I want to display the fruits of the spirit: Gal 5:22-23
But the fruit
of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control;
To Spread the Gospel:
I use my social
media especially twitter to let other people know about God, simple one liner
messages. I am not ashamed of making known what he has done.
Isaiah 12:4
And
you will say in that day:
“Give
thanks to the Lord,
call
upon his name,
make
known his deeds among the peoples,
proclaim
that his name is exalted.
To develop my talents:
Well my talent is definitely
not athletics, I love to write. I want to develop that talent to the glory and honor
of His name. I know that each and every person has a purpose. Different talents
and gifts. Romans 12:4
How I am I planning to live according to
God’s purpose for ME?
Explore new things:
I am an introvert. I hate doing new things and meeting new people. It’s very difficult for
me to start a conversation with a stranger. I recently did away with my smart
phone. It’s so annoying!, hanging, no
charge etc, on my way to and fro work I have the opportunity to chat with new
people since I am not drowning in chatting! But no, I have no guts to chat
people up. I have I used the time to meditate and just find me.
Stop comparing myself to other people.
This is what I do
best. Especially on social media. I forget that most things people post on
social media are lies, fabrications. You post what you want other people to
see. But I am still jealous anyway. I cringe at how perfect other people’s
lives are., or appear to be. I want to know no matter how faulted my life is,
God can still use me anyway. The stone that the builders rejected might just
become the cornerstone you know.
After all God uses
the least for his glory
Stop downplaying my value.
There will always
be someone better, someone more beautiful, someone more talented, someone
better at what I do, but I want to uphold my value. I will not give up my pursuit of something
just because someone is better at it. I will not stop writing just because
someone else’ s blog is better than mine. I refuse to give up just because I think
I am less.
I want to be faithful.
Matthew 25:14-30
I don’t want to be
that person that hid his talent and didn't use it. I want to grow in every area
of my life.
I may not know
what it is I want to be or do now, but I know that he holds my future in his
hands and he knows me.
