Loyal to HIS Breaking and moulding?

Why does the breaking process have to be so hard? You know the way we surrender to God and say that you are the potter and I am the clay. Isaiah 64: 8 and ask Him to mould us as He pleases, BUT yet we aren't loyal to HIS moulding, we want to reverse the roles and do as we please. 

(Jeremiah 18: 6 O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this 

potter has done? declares the Lord. Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.)

Why then does the clay crack in seemingly all the wrong places? when you think he is done with the breaking he touches other areas until you want to give up the journey. For sure. 

I recently discovered a new piece of hurtful information about someone that had already hurt me so, so deep. It resurrected the past hurt and took it to a whole new dimension. I did not go looking for the information, nope. It just came....I guess from my previous prayers to God to reveal hidden things. I was hurt so bad, I still am feeling so cheated, I feel like the light that was at the end of the tunnel was shut away from my eyes. I can't help but ask God why would HE allow that, how now? Will it always be dark? when is my morning going to come and STAY? (You know His word says joy cometh in the morning )Not just be morning for sometime then night again or is it going to be alternate seasons of morning and night? 

You know what, I REFUSE to mourn and be faint spirited in Jesus name. My favorite verse has been Isaiah 61:3. 

to grant to those who mourn in Zion—

to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;

that they may be called oaks of righteousness,

the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.

I am not going back to the pit He already took me out of.  I am amazed at how strong I have been! My sister expected me to break down and cry infact it broke her more than it broke me! 

I know that the breaking process is not easy. Yes, because it involves a lot of pruning and cutting and sometimes all that will be left is a tiny, tiny piece. All a plant that has grown old and withered needs to re-grow is a tiny, tiny seed. And that is all you need to be made whole again, a tiny piece of you. That has been tested and tried. 

John 15:2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. He cuts off every branch that is not whole that does not bear any fruit that is just a hindrance to my developing process, but sometimes I fell like He ain't doing just the pruning BUT cutting the whole stem! 

I think we work so hard trying to be the best we want to be or think we ought to be and when things fall apart, which believe you me they will because as a Christian your path will always be thorny, we become weary and have excessive grief. 

James 1:2-4 

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

I know I should not depend on MY own strength BUT God's. When I pray that May your will be done I clearly secretly want my own way. Otherwise why I am so broken when His will has been done? whilst I relentlessly pray and say Not MY will oh God but yours be done, Yet I remind Him that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are higher than ours. I know that he knows the plans for me, but I want to manipulate those plans and lead them to the direction I want to go. When I get a sign that is not exactly what I was hoping for I start a whole new series of prayers hoping to get what I want, BUT GOD aint man and cannot be manipulated!  I know for sure that  it is God pruning me and cutting out every bad branch in my life. 

Sometimes it seems like those who hurt you go on with life as if nothing happened as if they own the world and even try to justify every action - like a boss. They create a whole new web of lies and words left unsaid. What does God's word say? forgive forget and let go, easier said than done.  I want to be honest to God about my pain and my questions to Him. I want to tell Him no its not easy for someone to just mess up and you say yeah okay it is well. I need His Grace! In my moments of weakness, His Grace should abound. 

I console myself with the fact that the finest metals have to go through a fiery furnace to be as sparkling as they are. I believe that is exactly what he wants me to be a shiny metal at the end of the process. 

Isaiah 48:10 Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;

I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.

I know that I am on a journey to high places and I NEED to be acquainted with grief and pain and ultimately allow them to transform me into something precious and broken for God, for the experiences which I am passing are part of the process by which GOD is  making my life TRUE. I therefore fix my eyes on HIM.

They say the difference between a scar and a wound is that when a scar is touched one doesn't flinch but a wound oozes a whole new brook of pus. Are you going to allow your hurt to be but a scar or stay a wound forever? 

Like everything else, this too is just a process of being broken down to be made whole. Glory to GOD.