Now that you are
forgiven and know that there is hope, what next? I call them the four golden rules of moving
on;
1. Quit Pity Parties.
You know the
people you meet up for coffee and your discussion revolves around how much your
life sucks? Okay that’s a pity party club. You need to unsubscribe from that club
and fast! They do nothing but fill your mind with a lot of negativity. Most of
the time we take poison and expect the other person to die, but really will
they? So what’s the poison here? Plots of revenge, anger, how you gonna burn up
that car, drink yourself silly, self neglect and some people even neglect their
kids just to make the man feel bad. I hate to disappoint you honey but while
you send yourself to hell his life is normal, maybe even happier! Men move on
and won’t even notice how messy you are! Put on a positive mind and take
control of your thoughts. Hold every negative thought captive according to 2
Corinthians 10: 5 ‘We demolish arguments and every pretension
that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every
thought to make it obedient to Christ’.
Set
yourself free from those negative friends and from that man as well, ask God to break
every soul tie that you may have with him and begin to just have peace with him
even when not in communication.
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2. Get a life!
We go about life
not knowing what we want, do you want him back? Do you want him in your life?
We even forget who we are. Case in point: Someone asks you to introduce
yourself and you be like ‘ My name is Mary, I have three kids, well the first
born is 7, he is so into cars the second ee that one is the engineer of the
family…’ get the drift. You go on and on about your kids and notice that you
didn’t talk about yourself even once!
Separate yourself from your kids. I am always in a rush to get home,
when I eventually do, baby girl goes through my stuff looking for ‘something’
bubbles about her day, homework and after like 30 minutes runs off to her toys
and I go like then why was I worried? This has taught me that I have a life
besides her. I have learnt to have a lot of ME time. Set time aside for YOU,
its okay you are not being selfish. After all the best mothers are peaceful
mothers.
Set your goals,
know what you what if you want to get into a relationship or just be friends,
or whatever it is that you desire, go out there and meet people. They aint gonna
come to you honey. Look good, dress well and be at your best always! Keep that
smile. Don’t neglect yourself and remember you are the most beautiful person on
earth!
3. Stop stalking him
Do you still
cyber-stalk your baby-daddy? Yes you…secretly going to his facebook page
to check if his life sucks as much as yours does? Tryna see if he has another
girl or not? So what if he does? You start stalking the girl too? Honey let him
be and mind your business. The earlier you stop sending those annoying texts
and updating crazy stuff on facebook for him to ‘see’ the faster you will move
on.
When I became
single, I felt like something was missing. I was never the type of girl who
wanted to be alone. So I ensured all my twitter and facebook updates revolved
around me having lots of fun, and being with cool people. I even found myself a
‘ghost’ boyfriend you know and did those fake calls and fake chats..lol
sounds crazy now. But I made a CHOICE to be happy and find what truly made
me happy cuz no one can make you happy girl, just you. Every HAPPY person looks
nice and beautiful. Love yourself (Ephesians 5: 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church) Be yourself, respect yourself and be comfortable
in your own skin. I did this and boom suddenly it’s like a memo went out, men started
running my door down trying to date me!
You know those
many, many lonely moments when you start to chat up everyone on your phone
book? Well I had many of those so I made a choice never to top up my phone at
night or over the weekends. I would have to wait for my phone to ring. Now am
at a point where I don’t call men, they call me!
4. Guard your heart and your Child
If I could
scream at the roof tops is for you to guard your heart and protect your kid! So
you met this guy and he told you how cute you are then you think you found 'the
one' and you quickly confess your love and cling to him like he is the last man
standing…that’s being desperate. (Proverbs 4:23 above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it) don't go 'falling in love' with every man who says something nice, no.
Will you introduce your baby to every man you
meet? How many men will she/he meet before you finally settle? Don’t introduce
your kid in the early stages of dating wait until you are sure its gonna be
something, then start by dropping his name in conversations to let your kid
know that you are seeing someone, then graduate to phone calls for the kid to familiarize
with the man’s voice then finally the physical meeting. Ensure not to meet him
in places that get your kid all moody like supermarkets for some, because
he/she will relate that man to that bad experience. Do something fun and don’t drive
the conversation let him do it. While I date
I ensure to mention on the first date that I have a baby and see the man’s
reaction. Remember to put your baby first don’t be selfish and be with a man
who doesn’t want your baby. You are a package. You don’t bond with my baby
sorry, that’s as far as we go.
Finally what do
YOU want, another random guy? Another guy who just wants to be exclusive? Who just
wants to rub his thigh on you? Who wants you as a toy when he is bored? Or do
you want him to Put a ring on it?
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A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her - Max Lucado.
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