Dented Relationships

I grew up in a close knit family. During our teenage years, my siblings and I went everywhere together and people were amazed at how inseparable we were.We laughed at the same jokes. We had the same circle of friends. We went to the same clubs. Until college when we all moved to different towns which resulted in a shift to the opposite directions.

Today for some reason, I remembered the 'oga guy'. One day one of my sisters invited my pal and I to one of her many parties in a foreigners house (West African) not sure if it was Ghanaian or Nigerian, anyway, he lived in one of those posh houses. I can be a bit choosy in what I eat, okay, very, very choosy, so my siz warned me in advance about the cuisine. So I promised her that I would behave. Getting there, our host was nice, and after going through the albums and soft drinks it was time to dig in to the food. The table was nicely set  and the food was looking really yummy. I received a phone call so I excused myself, getting back I found everyone else had already started eating but they were giving me very strange looks! Okay I ignored and took my plate and served, I took the first bite and what! No it wasn’t yummy, I spat it out and cursed out loud! What the hell was that? It was as slimy as a snail (not that I have tasted one) and just couldn’t get down, I took the rest of the food and took it to the kitchen dust bin. I asked the rest of the girls how they were ENJOYING such a meal and they just nodded their sentiments! And yes continued eating without making faces! How now? Well need I say the host wasn’t happy neither was my sister. You guessed right, of course I spoilt their friendship but she later thanked me because apparently the host was a known drug baron..okay story for another day. So I was convinced that the oga guy decided to cook for us snails and call it meat. It’s alright. My sister tried to convince me that it was chicken but hell I am traditional and if it’s chicken I have to actually taste the chicken and be able to chew on the bones, you know? I hate boneless chicken. So my siz gave up and every time I told that story I would refer to him as ‘the oga who made for us snails’, goodness me. I came to discover years later (just the other day) that that slimy thing was actually not snails but okra. Yeah, yeah I know, fyuks I didn’t eat a snail, but I had never tasted okra before! 

We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out - Winstone Churchill

 I am known to speak out, silence is not my language because When I kept silent my bones wasted away. Psalms 32:3. I have never known how to be quiet when things go wrong. I can never pretend to love/like someone when  deep down I feel otherwise. I am the worst person to gossip with because later I will tell you infront of the person you were gossiping to repeat what you said to me. I do not know how to hide feelings of resentment. I once got a thorough beating from my mum for innocently revealing her true sentiments about a lady called Paulina (Kalenjin for Pauline) who used to come to our place every day precisely at lunch time. My mum used to be so bitter but would hug her and serve her food, so I told her exactly that. Well my mum brushed it off and said ‘uh you know kids’ but I was so darn serious. 

My being unable to hide my true feelings has gotten me into trouble, I have lost friends and family. I hate pretense. I cannot fake anything, even a smile. I am me. I wish I could just be fake for just a day, but no, fake smiles kill me, fake hugs burn me.

            “All of these are layers of layers of unspoken words that we never said that we rather ignore    and stay in comfortable superficial layer” ― Vira Luna 

No family is perfect. Due to different personalities, people tend to fall out. Mostly taking sides and you may find yourself on your own. 

Do you have your own share of family FEUDS? Is it because of the decisions you made, or your big mouth or your personality or something you stood for? Have you ever felt like the black sheep? Seeing major events being planned, photos being exchanged, decisions being made and you only get MENTIONS when conclusions are drawn. Like I have made a decision to do a,b,c and so and so is helping me, meaning they sought opinions from other people and not you. Do you feel like no one seeks your opinion on anything anymore, cuz hell your opinion does not make a difference anyway. All they want to know is what you are doing to change your situation.. Every conversation revolves around making your life better. You  improving your lifestyle. It gets irritating you know, especially when you are doing everything you can to get a better job, to do a side hustle that can bring additional income. One thing that you should know honey is that God’s timing is PERFECT and you cannot overtake HIS timing, no matter what you do. Time and chance happen to all Ecclesiastes 9:11

However always try to be that bigger person and try to close any gap that you have created with your family or friends or whoever else, I have tried not to hold grudges, to ignore the past and move on, but the boundaries are still being stepped on, the same questions still come up, why is my life stuck? Why I am still hanging on to the same job? What I am doing about school? It’s sickening and you dread that chat, that call!

No matter how flat you make a pancake, it still has two sides. Try to Step into the other person's shoes and try to see their side of the story. Try to understand the other person and why they acted in a hurtful way. Try not to judge them. Conversely, examining YOUR role in the feud. Did YOU do or say something hurtful? Did YOU promise something and then backed out of YOUR agreement?

What I have learnt is that people will PUSH you to make decisions and PLEDGE their support but once you have made that decision you are on your own. Do something because you WANT to not because you HAVE to, or someone ADVISED you to do it and pledged their support. Nobody will ever follow up to know if you are okay, how you are making ends meet. 
 
I miss laughing at everything that flies, I miss acting all silly and talking after breakfast till its lunch and we haven’t done any chores. I miss being involved in decisions being made, even it its not about me. I miss what I had. I miss my old life. I miss being young and carefree. 

God's word says that everything works out for good for those that love Him Romans 8:28...my own family feud led me to start journaling, hence blogging,  I drew closer to God and now have a REAL relationship with HIM I know that no matter what happens, no matter where I am in my life, He is still GOD  and HE will never, ever leave my side. 

Keep in mind: If God forbid whoever you are having a fight with left today, what would be left unsaid?