2013: The year that was....

This has been an action packed year but my highlights can be classified as 12 days of Christmas because they surely feel that way!

On the 1st day - God
I had struggled with God for a very long time and I was like, God you are up there and I am down here, stick to your space and let it stay that way, we are cool no? But this year I realized that He is here and He SPEAKS He can be the best friend one can ever ask for and he never squeals on you or bail our or anything. I AM CRAZY ABOUT JESUS and I love HIM to bits. No one can take HIS place. It is by His grace that HE saved me, not for myself but it is the best GIFT ever.

On the 2nd day: Baby dedication:
Baby girl finally got dedicated, no it wasn't a big ceremony like I threw a party and stuff, it was just a private family affair, but in my heart I threw a big party! I wanted to be ready before I dedicated her and I cried all through. My baby sister (not a baby anymore) was there and so is officially her God Mother, does she even know that?

On the 4th Day - I got Baptized!
I went into the water and when I came out I saw that dove, you know the one that came to Jesus when He was baptized? Mathew 3: ¹⁶ As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. ¹⁷ And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Okay just kidding, but really my life changed and I felt like a new person when I came out of that water. Again the celebration was only in my heart.

On the 5th day - My blog
I love to speak out, silence is not my language and most of the time I get lashed out for my big mouth, so my blog is where I RULE, I can say ANYTHING. No one can judge me, you know sometimes when you read facebook updates and you wanna shout who asked you? Well here I can put down anything. Funny no one ever comments But it is very humbling to get feedback from people (which people you say? I hear you) hey I can show you my stats! No really I am HUMBLED to know that I have spoken to someone and enlightened them in one way or another. The calls and texts after a post means a lot. THANK YOU.

On the 6th day - I am more spiritual now:
I found my footing in the Spirit world, I can unleash bible versus like no one's business :) plus I am not so lost you know when someone says refer to the book of Ezra and I be like (eyes popping) 'there is a Ezra in the bible?' Okay I admit that I still go back to the contents because I still don't know the sequence but hey that's why that table is there in the first place! I can say praise God very comfortably and yes as a greeting because I have found a reason to praise him every where and every time. I now have sisters and brothers and you will find sister Mary and brother John in my phone book. For real.I joined a Home Cell Group that have become a family to me.

On the 7th day - Doing away with randoms
I did away with all the UNDEFINED relationships that were cropping up, some came up during the course of the year, prince charming for example, I finally got over his flirts and charm and smile! I felt like a princess while it lasted. I insist that I am a woman and I wanna be pursued and desired and if a man aint upto it then its HIS lose not mine:) Its been hard and I fell a couple of times but I discovered that I am worth SO MUCH and I KNOW that I want a REAL relationship that will lead into something MEANINGFUL. Not just to be strung along for when its convenient for THAT man. Men who want to have their cake and eat it.

On the 8th day- Football
If you have been around me long enough you know how much I HATE football. So my friend dragged me to one of his football matches and I sat through the whole match! Never mind that I kept asking him which direction his team is suppose to move the ball and which goal is theirs! I didn't enjoy one bit, will I ever go to one again? HELL NO. So I told him that is your world and I will stick to my world. It lasted a whole 92minutes! But it went to my book of records because I love his company plus he made me do something no one has ever managed to make me do :) Great, so I now follow the EPL just so I can laugh hard when his team looses (and they have been losing a lot lately), I sound like a sadist I know. And then he sulks and doesn't eat/talk for three WHOLE days, okay just one day. EASY it's just football! I picked a team (Chelsea) to support during the season but sometimes I just want to support WHICHEVER team that carries the day.

On the 9th day - Relationships
You remember my aunt? I can now visit her empty handed and she doesn't give me the look! I have mended a few relationships that were broken including baby daddy. I used to call him all sorts of names and I hated him so much. Infact I had saved him as the devil himself in my phone book, wait don't give me that look! I let go and forgave him. My pastor said that I should learn to forgive BUT should NEVER forget the lessons I have learnt. NO we arent back together and I consider that a closed chapter in my BOOK, but he is working on his relationship with baby girl and I love the way baby girl sparkles and is super excited to talk to him.

On the 10th day - Baby girl lessons:
I learnt so many things and I would need a whole book for this but most important I know that I love my baby and we are a package you know. I learnt that some stages cannot be skipped, for example she had a real phone (mulika mwizi) but one day decided to throw it across the fence for some reason and we never traced it thanks to some quick hands. So she insisted she wants a pink phone that has lights, I thought she wanted a real phone until she pointed out what she wanted! A TOY. never mind how noisy it is and how annoying the lights are but she loves it more than her real phone. She even takes care of it more, while I secretly device a plan of killing it, yes literally.

On the 11th day - The renewing self Journey
I went on a 12week journey just to let go and find me. I have learnt to create boundaries and come out of my shell. I also learnt that men are NOT mind readers, (I used to think they are :( ) and ladies if you want something for Christmas or valentine or your birthday or whatever else just SAY it, don't expect the man to figure it out and then spend your day sulking if he doesn't get you what you want! I have learnt to state my expectations up front and ain't afraid to say NO!

On the 12th day - I am me! 
Finally I decided to be ME, if you don't like it beat it! Okay no really I am more myself now, more confident, know my WORTH according to God's word and can sense deceit from far like a dog (that came out wrong) but yes. I can tell people who are fake and those that are not. My number one prayer is the SERENITY prayer, things that I cannot change I let them be!

I give GOD all the GLORY.

The Ugly Duckling.

We all know the proverbial ugly ducking that was despised by his brothers because he wasn't good looking. But when he left home, the story ends with him turning into a swan and marrying a beautiful swan and them living happily ever after. So we all want to end up being swans, right? We want our imperfections to disappear over night! 

Most of us drown in the imperfections we have carried since childhood. Too fat, too thin, too tall, bad hair, big nose, you know the list is endless! we all want to be like the run way models with perfect bodies. Have you watched Stepford Wives? Its a very old movie and when I saw those women I was like my God how can one be this perfect? Perfect clothes, perfect cook, perfect dancer..till I got to the end of the movie and realized they were mere robots! goodness me! I almost died of envy. Well by the way some imperfections are brought about by circumstances in our lives and you feel like you are not good enough to be number one. Some situations like not being able to have children and yes I have met single mothers who by virtue of having children/child think they can never find love again and always settle for anyone! No, God has a key to every lock that he has made.

  So Yesterday I was reading the story of Leah and Rachel in the bible, Genesis 29-30. Rachel came out as a picture perfect model, tall, slender, with dimples,  flawless skin and a graceful walk. Jacob  just lay his eyes on her and fell in love and immediately wanted to make her his wife and didn't even care about the cost! Rachel was clearly the apple of her father's eyes too because Laban said to Jacob that he would rather give her to him than any other man. Leah on the other hand was portrayed as ugly, was sightly and had weak eyes (In my imagination that's a squint?)Genesis 29: ¹⁷ Leah's eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance.


Jacob had to be tricked to be with her! As in she wasn't good enough to get a suitor and someone had to be tricked into marrying her. I can imagine the look on Jacob's face when he finally awoke after the wedding and found Leah in Rachel's place! He even agreed to work seven more years just to be with his dream wife Rachel. Eventually Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah and was always in his heart and he favoured her. Leah comes out as a stumbling block to their love story. You know though she was the first wife she always felt like the other woman.

Even when you feel rejected just know that God will eventually make you great. He closed Rachel's womb and opened that of Leah and Leah recognized her children as gifts from God even the way she named them. ³¹ When the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, saw behind Leah’s tender eyes and discerned her heart. Leah may not have been “lovely in form,” but she was exactly what God was looking for through whom to establish the house of David and the lineage of Christ.

We have all lived through rejection in one way or another, not being good enough for someone and always being second best. We all wish that our story would end with us turning into swans and marrying that swan and living happily ever after. See Leah lives well and Rachel is eventually so bitter about not being able to give children and when you follow her story she ends up destroyed. Her story is not a happy ending after all but Leah's is.

The Lord through this story has shown us that we are all perfect in his eyes. It does not matter what the world has created perfectness to be. You, honey, are the apple of God's eyes and out there, there is a Swan for each of us, yes even the Leah's of this world and eventually you will meet him. So don't settle for just any Random that says one simple sweet word.

Christmas is here!

Baby girl has really grown and I cant believe I hold REAL conversations with her. Okay sometimes they are weird conversations and I wish the sky falls down on her English Teacher but hey, she tries. My brother shouldn't hear this because he used to swear that my school should have received a recognition for being the world's School of BROKEN English. He said our English was very, very bad especially the grammar and diction! Anyway yesterday was just one of those days that I had a really bad day.

Baby Girl: How was your day?
Me: Mummy had a bad day
Baby Girl: (rolling her eyes) birth day?
Me: No BAD day
Baby girl: You say today is my birth day? Where is my happy birthday (Cake) and who will sing for me?
Me: No I mean....
Baby girl: Si you said its Christmas? (Big mistake because every morning she asks 'is today Christmas'?)
Me: Okay forget about my bad day lets talk about Christmas, what do you want?
Baby girl: (Counting her fingers) Dress, shoes, socks and blue braids....(why are kids rocking blue, purple and red braids?) Oreo, zing, chocolate for all my babies...(she has a gazillion teddy bears)
Me: How about I just buy Oreo and we skip the rest?
Her: Long laughter and finds something else to do

Thank God kids have an attention span of an ant and talk about this the next minute its that because some conversations! Before you figure out what to say they already found something else to say.

This conversation reminded me of my childhood Christmas. My parents weren't particularly wealthy, okay not wealthy AT ALL, but they managed to buy us NEW outfits for Christmas! Yes from Deacons, you know. Christmas was an exciting moment and I looked forward to the lots of food and the splurge on sugar (soda and sweets). The new cloths was a PLUS. Never mind that they were identical and we looked like some sort of misplaced choir. We always got a tree and decorated it and decorated the whole house with 'lieu lieu'. The house looked so Christmassy and warm. We had lots of visitors and my dad's favorite cassette Jim Reeves boomed in the background. I wondered how my parents afforded new clothing for ALL of us and still managed to pay school fees come January and buy new School shoes and Uniform. Did they dwell on loans? Or did they get Christmas booms from somewhere?

Christmas has always been a special family time, and until now it has meant nothing to baby girl so this is her first REAL Christmas. I beat myself for spending so much when she was younger! The first Christmas when she couldn't even walk or recognize anything I bought her an expensive outfit from Enka Rasha, the second one, she could barely speak and she got a dress from my siz in the US, the third well she could speak and walk alright but gave me a blank look when I said merry Christmas and I still spent on stuff that she didn't even understand. Now this year she is already counting down to Christmas and saying merry xmas, hohohoho...I don't know what to get her, her Christmas wish list revolves around edibles. But God willing, I want to give her a nice Christmas complete with a Christmas tree and Christmas lights. Buy her a new outfit and oh well allow her to rock the blue braids. 

Most of the time we make plans and forget to involve God, Just watching my single colleagues planning their drinking escapades and how they will only be sober enough to say hi to their mom and I look at them and say how come you guys don't say Inshaala, i.e God willing? Who knows about tomorrow?  James 4:¹³ Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 

For me Christmas is a time to give thanks and reflect on the year that was. This year instead of spending my time fussing about gifts to buy and food to make, I choose to be like Mary. I have never enjoyed Christmas because I have always been like Martha, worrying about pleasing people with cards and Christmas messages, making lots of food and never taken time to just focus on Jesus and just relax. I always worry about January and how my baby will go to school and how the following year is going to unfold. My prayer is for God to take control and no matter what happens I want to rest in him and just have peace. It has been a difficult year but I thank God because I have grown spiritually and I can count on him because I know that he is a faithful GOD and he will never ever leave.

Stay focused on Christ and slow down this Christmas! 

 Seasons Greetings:) 

ELB'S NOTEBOOK

Dented Relationships

I grew up in a close knit family. During our teenage years, my siblings and I went everywhere together and people were amazed at how inseparable we were.We laughed at the same jokes. We had the same circle of friends. We went to the same clubs. Until college when we all moved to different towns which resulted in a shift to the opposite directions.

Today for some reason, I remembered the 'oga guy'. One day one of my sisters invited my pal and I to one of her many parties in a foreigners house (West African) not sure if it was Ghanaian or Nigerian, anyway, he lived in one of those posh houses. I can be a bit choosy in what I eat, okay, very, very choosy, so my siz warned me in advance about the cuisine. So I promised her that I would behave. Getting there, our host was nice, and after going through the albums and soft drinks it was time to dig in to the food. The table was nicely set  and the food was looking really yummy. I received a phone call so I excused myself, getting back I found everyone else had already started eating but they were giving me very strange looks! Okay I ignored and took my plate and served, I took the first bite and what! No it wasn’t yummy, I spat it out and cursed out loud! What the hell was that? It was as slimy as a snail (not that I have tasted one) and just couldn’t get down, I took the rest of the food and took it to the kitchen dust bin. I asked the rest of the girls how they were ENJOYING such a meal and they just nodded their sentiments! And yes continued eating without making faces! How now? Well need I say the host wasn’t happy neither was my sister. You guessed right, of course I spoilt their friendship but she later thanked me because apparently the host was a known drug baron..okay story for another day. So I was convinced that the oga guy decided to cook for us snails and call it meat. It’s alright. My sister tried to convince me that it was chicken but hell I am traditional and if it’s chicken I have to actually taste the chicken and be able to chew on the bones, you know? I hate boneless chicken. So my siz gave up and every time I told that story I would refer to him as ‘the oga who made for us snails’, goodness me. I came to discover years later (just the other day) that that slimy thing was actually not snails but okra. Yeah, yeah I know, fyuks I didn’t eat a snail, but I had never tasted okra before! 

We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out - Winstone Churchill

 I am known to speak out, silence is not my language because When I kept silent my bones wasted away. Psalms 32:3. I have never known how to be quiet when things go wrong. I can never pretend to love/like someone when  deep down I feel otherwise. I am the worst person to gossip with because later I will tell you infront of the person you were gossiping to repeat what you said to me. I do not know how to hide feelings of resentment. I once got a thorough beating from my mum for innocently revealing her true sentiments about a lady called Paulina (Kalenjin for Pauline) who used to come to our place every day precisely at lunch time. My mum used to be so bitter but would hug her and serve her food, so I told her exactly that. Well my mum brushed it off and said ‘uh you know kids’ but I was so darn serious. 

My being unable to hide my true feelings has gotten me into trouble, I have lost friends and family. I hate pretense. I cannot fake anything, even a smile. I am me. I wish I could just be fake for just a day, but no, fake smiles kill me, fake hugs burn me.

            “All of these are layers of layers of unspoken words that we never said that we rather ignore    and stay in comfortable superficial layer” ― Vira Luna 

No family is perfect. Due to different personalities, people tend to fall out. Mostly taking sides and you may find yourself on your own. 

Do you have your own share of family FEUDS? Is it because of the decisions you made, or your big mouth or your personality or something you stood for? Have you ever felt like the black sheep? Seeing major events being planned, photos being exchanged, decisions being made and you only get MENTIONS when conclusions are drawn. Like I have made a decision to do a,b,c and so and so is helping me, meaning they sought opinions from other people and not you. Do you feel like no one seeks your opinion on anything anymore, cuz hell your opinion does not make a difference anyway. All they want to know is what you are doing to change your situation.. Every conversation revolves around making your life better. You  improving your lifestyle. It gets irritating you know, especially when you are doing everything you can to get a better job, to do a side hustle that can bring additional income. One thing that you should know honey is that God’s timing is PERFECT and you cannot overtake HIS timing, no matter what you do. Time and chance happen to all Ecclesiastes 9:11

However always try to be that bigger person and try to close any gap that you have created with your family or friends or whoever else, I have tried not to hold grudges, to ignore the past and move on, but the boundaries are still being stepped on, the same questions still come up, why is my life stuck? Why I am still hanging on to the same job? What I am doing about school? It’s sickening and you dread that chat, that call!

No matter how flat you make a pancake, it still has two sides. Try to Step into the other person's shoes and try to see their side of the story. Try to understand the other person and why they acted in a hurtful way. Try not to judge them. Conversely, examining YOUR role in the feud. Did YOU do or say something hurtful? Did YOU promise something and then backed out of YOUR agreement?

What I have learnt is that people will PUSH you to make decisions and PLEDGE their support but once you have made that decision you are on your own. Do something because you WANT to not because you HAVE to, or someone ADVISED you to do it and pledged their support. Nobody will ever follow up to know if you are okay, how you are making ends meet. 
 
I miss laughing at everything that flies, I miss acting all silly and talking after breakfast till its lunch and we haven’t done any chores. I miss being involved in decisions being made, even it its not about me. I miss what I had. I miss my old life. I miss being young and carefree. 

God's word says that everything works out for good for those that love Him Romans 8:28...my own family feud led me to start journaling, hence blogging,  I drew closer to God and now have a REAL relationship with HIM I know that no matter what happens, no matter where I am in my life, He is still GOD  and HE will never, ever leave my side. 

Keep in mind: If God forbid whoever you are having a fight with left today, what would be left unsaid? 

No Strings Attached?

Most people want to eat their cake and still have it. They want to have the benefits of being in a relationship yet they don't want to be committed in any way. That is why they settle for a no-strings-attached kind of thing.

According to Wikipedia this is where two people decide to engage in a sexual relationship that has no ties or expectation with regards to finances, exclusivity or romance. Literally, there are no strings binding the two together.

Most women say they are cool with it, at first it is all fun and games until feelings start cropping up. Men hardly get attached because they get casual with girls they know they will never end up with! Yes it is only natural to start developing feelings for the person you sex several times. Especially if its a sober decision. This can scientifically be explained as thus: The key hormone released during sex called oxytocin, lowers our defenses and makes us trust people more. It makes women want to cuddle and get attached after sex.

When the man has orgasm on the other hand, the main hormone released is dopamine - the pleasure hormone, that has a high effect just like the cocaine high and can be addictive. That is why he keeps calling you, not because he likes you so much, but because he wants that high he got, that pleasure he got after the sex you had. If he likes you that much, how come he doesn't know your second name? or what gets you? or have something more with you?

He will not bother to spoil you, because he already tasted the cookie. When you start asking for stuff he says you are nagging. He feels the pinch every time he has to spend a dime on you, you can read his face. There are so many words left unspoken. He never compliments you, never bothers to hook up with you in the light, he waits for the stick to direct him, then he can call when the night falls.

When you are going through stuff you cant talk to him, because he freaks out when the conversations start getting personal. Sometimes all a woman wants to do is cry and speak to someone about deep stuff. You'll always get along, because hell, it doesn't have to last. Anytime he calls you don't have to call back. You don't have to ask what he is doing, or who he is doing for that matter. Everyone wants a lover like that, always playing fire under covers, never catching feelings, never fighting, never airing your opinions and allowing the other person to mute you. 

After the sex what next? Every man thrills in pursuing a woman. When you roll in his sheets that's it, he has lost the zeal and interest and respect even for you. Sorry to disappoint you honey but casual sex hardly ever amounts to anything. It will be a relationship built on no trust because both of you will be looking over your shoulder thinking the other person is cheating.

Now that we know that women get attached unknowingly, what should THE MAN do:

Men, stop stringing women along:
Well for starters men should stop confusing women! Don't cuddle with the woman you just want to roll in the sheets with. Don't call her to talk about your day. Don't talk about your future or anything that will make her believe that you want more.

Don't buy her small gifts..
Most women are into chocolates! Okay I am so into chocolates and sweet nothings. Yeah, yeah, I know sometimes its a copy-pasted text BUT yaaay it gets me! Don't buy her chocolates or anything if you aren't that into her. Just let the buying out..Otherwise you are sending mixed signals. Don't send texts with sweet nothings either that get women all giggly and dreamy.

Stop before it gets too complicated...
This is my number one rule. When you notice that she is beginning to be all feely, just do both of you a favor and leave before it gets messier. This is way better than stringing that woman along.

There are some biblical principles that can be applied to no strings attached. Teaching us to keep our bodies for only that ONE man within  MARRIAGE. Ephesians 5:3 says: 'But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints'

My favorite bible verse when it comes to sexual matters is 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20. This should direct us in what we do with our bodies. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

If you wanna have a SANCTIFIED marriage someday, stay PURE. Once you get all naked with a man, your worth goes down, its like your price tag is changed, well to a LESSER value, he will only see you as a sex object and will not try to know you outside the bedroom. If you as a woman are unable to control your sexual urges, you need deliverance! No really you do. We should learn to have self control according to....Proverbs 25:28 A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. But at the end of the day, what do you feed your mind? Do your conversations with whoever revolve around sex? Who do you hang out with? Our parents used to urge us to maintain 'HOLY GAPS' when hanging out with men. Now I see why.

The next time you feel tempted to call up your fling, fight the feeling. Bury your heart in God's word. Don't ALLOW your flesh to rule you.


You cant make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

Of soul ties..

Why is it so hard to move on from a relationship that failed? Why do you find yourself unable to let go? Have you ever been so tormented by a past relationship that you are NOT ready to love again? Are you drawn to that random who calls you only when they want to get down and treat you like dirt the rest of the time? A guy that in real life you would have hated and avoided like plague. Are you in a relationship where you are TOO obsessed with that person? checking on them EVERY five seconds, rehearsing words you'd say to them, checking your phone for a missed communication from them? Unable to function if they don't call? There...you have soul ties with that person.

A soul tie is a spiritual/emotional connection you have to someone after being intimate with them, usually engaging in UNGODLY sexual intercourse. 1 Corinthians 6:16....16: Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh. People who have many past relationships find it very difficult to 'bond' or be joined to anybody, because their soul is fragmented, scattered and in bondage with many.

It is important to note that not ALL soul ties are bad. If it is a healthy relationship then that is a good soul tie. For example when David's soul was knit to that of Jonathan in the book of 1st Samuel 18:1 18: As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

My focus though is on the unhealthy soul tie resulting from sexual relationships outside of marriage.


It has been said that every time you have Ungodly sex you introduce like seven spirits into your body. Imagine then that if you have ten sexual encounters and thus introduce seventy spirits into your life, can you picture the spirits fighting over you at night while you sleep? You know one telling the other that 'you had her yesterday, hit it, lemmie have her today!' The devil does not cause harm while we are awake, but most harm is done while we SLEEP...Mathew 13:25 but while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat and went away. That is how spiritual husbands and wives are born! (will blog about that soon). Most importantly this is how all sorts of spirits are introduced into our lives; spirit of anger, spirit of lying, spirit of addiction, spirit of indecisiveness, spirit of procrastination, spirit of fear, the list is endless! Stop and examine yourself, you were NOT the lazy kind before or poor, or bisexual but since you HAD SEX with that random suddenly you are struggling to make ends meet, you desire women and you are a woman, ahem, you want to keep postponing things...am I speaking to you? YES this post is for you!. It may seem like an innocent one night stand or casual sex with no strings attached (there is no such thing by the way eventually feelings crop up) BUT whatever they are carrying sips into you somehow!

How do you know your soul is badly tied to someone's?

• First sign is when you are confused. Our God is not a God of confusion and when you feel something is not right about a relationship, then it is not. 
• Second one is when you are always unhappy, you don't know why, you know the unexplained kind of unhappy? Everything seems to take a negative turn, like you don't wanna do anything about your life you just wanna lay there and be idle or roll in the sheets of some random guy but not want to be committed to anyone.
• The last one is that you are always tormented. Your mind is always replaying events of your past relationship and reminding you even the smallest details. You start to compare people in your current relationship to the people in your past, even the smallest things matter. 

How then do you break these soul ties?

1. Confess and repent: First step is to confess your sins that led to that soul tie and repent. If the soul tie is as a result of fornication confess, and turn to God for help. If you are not sure, ask GOD to search you and reveal to you any hidden sins. The bible says that if we confess our sins, He is just and faithful to forgive.
2. Break all vows: Have you ever been so in love that you said things like : I will love you forever, or till kingdom come, or I will never love any other apart from you, I will never let you go etc, wow! you tied your soul by just these words! Innocent as they may have seemed at the moment, they played a big part in forming the soul tie and you need to renounce them in Jesus name.
   Proverbs 21:23. Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.
3. Forgive: Most of the time we walk out of a relationship so angry and bitter and wish the sky will fall on that person, we hold so much bitterness and anger that we end up blocking our own destiny just by virtue of being bitter. Forgive and let go of that person. This will set you free. 
4. Renounce the soul tie: This is the most IMPORTANT step! Renounce the soul tie by actually verbalizing it. Find a quiet spot and lock yourself in. Find a piece of paper and write down all the names of people that you have had sex with or emotional ties. Don't worry if the list begins to look like a graduation call out, you know, with people with similar names dominating your list, for example **Ngugi A, Ngugi K, Ngugi T, Omondi L, Omondi F, Ken O, Ken K....you know! Just list them all do not be embarrassed, it is extremely important to call each and every person by name. Once you have all the names down, Say this prayer: "In Jesus' name, I now renounce any ungodly soul ties formed between myself and ______ as a result of _______________ (fornication, etc.)." Repeat until you have mentioned each and every name on your list.
5. Finally set yourself free: Break the soul tie in Jesus' name! Do this verbally using your authority in Jesus. Example, "I now break and sever any ungodly soul ties formed between myself and _________ as a result of ______________ (fornication, etc.) in Jesus' name."Again repeat till done with all the names in your list.

This may seem like a walk in the park but believe you me, it takes a lot of might and will power. After you have done this, stop collecting more soul ties by sleeping with randoms and wait for your ADAM to be awakened from HIS sleep. He will find you free and ready to start a HEALTHY relationship!.

Always remember that Jesus loves you for who you are, not because of your past! 

Martha Moments

Last night I hosted our Home Cell Group's fellowship. I hurriedly left work for home so that I could settle down and quickly prepare a snack. A colleague was selling freshly baked cakes so I bought one and  passed by the supermarket to get some groceries. I left the cake at the left-luggage section then went in. While on the queue I saw an old pal we got all chatty until I completely forgot about my cake. When I was just about to get off the matatu this guy seated next to me says 'I can see you forgot something at Uchumi...am like uh? then I saw the left-luggage tag still in my hand, dang! there goes my cake.........

When the fellowship finally kicked off I was so busy in the kitchen doing things that I cant even explain because I had already prepared the snacks and set the table so that I would just sit and follow God's word. My siz decided not to join us but I could hear her giggling from the bedroom when the singing started. The main worship leader wasn't there yet and whoever led the worship was a bit off key, okay WAY off key, I guess that's why she was all giggly. We were done after about 2hours as is the norm and  then I went to see them off. After they all drove off I exchanged pleasantries with the watchman as usual:

Him: Hawa walikua wageni wako kumbe? Nilidhani ni wa number 7 (so those were your guests? I thought they were going to number 7) 
Me: Yes
Him: Ghai fafa si ni wa church? (Oh my God arent they church goers?)
Me: Yes si mimi nakuanga nimeokoka (yes because I am saved)
Him: loooooong laughter. Well number 7 is 'visibly' saved according to him it would have made more sense if they were headed there as opposed to my place. He got some nerve uh?

Note to self, maybe I should change my greeting to 'praise God' instead of teasing them about irrelevant stuff! Okay let me explain, I live in the same house that I lived before I was saved. I would go out every weekend and of course come back in the wee hours of the morning high as a kite so the night watchmen knew me. And boy did I have noisy friends. So that explains the looong laughter :(

Anyway when I got back to the house my friend sent me a text to ask me how the fellowship was and what the reading was about, that's when it hit me, I had NO idea because clearly I wasn't listening! Dang. Yes, I am so serious! As in I don't even know which verse they read, I heard tiny bits of testimonies about integrity so I thought that it was about integrity, or maybe not. That was a MARTHA MOMENT for me! I was so so busy in the kitchen distracted by so many other things that God's word passed me by just like that and it was right under my roof. And to think I was all nasty that everyone else was sitted while I was busy moving up and down, well doing nothing exactly. But who told me to do it? fine I was hosting but I had prepared snacks so I dont have to keep moving up and down!

Luke 10: 38-42 At the Home of Martha and Mary
³⁸ As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I should have chosen to sit and listen to God's word FIRST. But that is exactly how we allow ourselves to get distracted by things around us instead of pursuing God's own heart just like David. We always try to make everything just right 'running around' on our own trying to get the perfect car, the perfect job, the perfect spouse instead of just sitting at the feet of Jesus and waiting for Him to make things perfect at His own time! Mary chose the right thing, she chose to sit and listen to Jesus, even when she knew so well that her place was to help Martha in the kitchen, but hey, the dishes aint going anywhere that can wait!.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.
 Martha's character was also shown when Lazarus died. Read John 11: 1-44. Martha was anxious but some versions say Mary was still and even stayed at home when she heard Jesus was coming, no she didn't run around acting all crazy and shouting like Martha. So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. ²¹ Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.

I guess Mary was preparing her heart and praying because when Jesus asked for her she was ready to go and heard him call. (verse 28) and she didn't shout as Martha had done but bowed down and worshiped and Jesus feet. (verse 32)

I desire to have Mary's character as opposed to Martha's. I  long to sit at His feet and wait on Him instead of allowing myself to be distracted by the many earthly stuff. When everything goes crazy just like Mary I wanna be Still and wait upon Him instead of talking over God and missing out on what he has to tell me.

Mr. Pinger...

Picture this: 

Its a Friday Evening, you have no plot so you are just in your bedsitter (small studio apartment) doing your nails and re-watching homeland and scrubs (my all time favorite series). You keep checking your phone for new texts, even send a blank text to 144 just to ensure your phone is REALLY on. Then finally at midnight you retire to bed not believing that you are going to be indoors on a Friday night. Then you hear the beep, quickly check your phone and there a message from Ken. Ken is this guy who calls you on and off and sends you random messages once in a while proclaiming how much he misses you.

Ken: 'Hi.....'with the dots...meaning am open for communication 
You: 'Hi :)' with a smiley face...meaning am down for whatever 
Ken: 'Watchu up to?' (its midnight for crying out loud!).
You: 'Nothing just got home...'
Ken: 'Can I come over.....' more dots meaning you know the drill.
You: 'Sure....'with a bigger smiley face that has blushes on the cheeks.

At that point you jump out of bed to freshen up and change out of your 'bonyeza na safaricom' tshirt (you gotta loose all those promo tshirts by the way!) and head-stocking. Then do a bit of make up that suggests you were out, find your best set of lingerie because you wanna impress, quickly change your sheets and then horror of horrors you run to the fridge to defrost that chicken you were saving for special occasions. Imagine neighbours hearing clacking cooking pans at midnight! whew what madness is that? You prepare chicken and rice and wait for him, 1hour later he is there. You serve him a hot meal and give him the best sex ever you know styles that might even get you to the ER. 

So Ken requests to spend the rest of the night because its heading to four. You agree and then because you want to look all beautiful and don't wanna risk drooling and snoring, you don't even sleep, you just close your eyes like Snow white! madness its your own bed! At seven you run down to the tuckshop to buy eggs and milk come whip him the best breakfast and then morning glory, Jesus. The man is in heaven, then he dashes to the shower and leaves. He doesn't even leave cash to 'replenish' your fridge after greedily gobbling down that chicken. He has had free sex, free food, free breakfast! Then doesn't call for the next few weeks. Here is the news honey, you weren't in his FRIDAY PLAN he was STOOD UP by his main squeeze that's why he called you at midnight!. He leaves you there to clean up and broken-hearted. You have just been PINGED!

No, I didn't just describe myself :/

Who is a pinger and what is being pinged? Pinging is an IT term that according to my IT friend (thank you very much) means a computer network administration utility used to test whether a particular host is reachable across a network and to measure the round-trip time for packets. (I sound smart, no?) Okay I don't even understand what I just said! Sounds like jargon, yeah, yeah am not tech savvy either but I first heard this term from our IT guy, every time my computer is dead (when I have no internet I FORGET the rest of my computer still works so I raise hell) he says ping internal something and ping access (our service provider) ping gmail okay I am not making this up...that's what he actually says. Then I click on start, run, CMD (what does it even mean I think some sort of command prompt?) and that thing for pinging comes up..when it says reply from..there is net when it says request timed out there is no net and he will do something somewhere okay well I am loosing track of my story...

The pinger, just like in IT, this is a guy that is not really exclusive with you but keeps sending you texts to test if you will respond (host is reachable) and if your mood says come and rub my thigh (round-trip time). They want to keep you out there and available. He will send you random messages through the day like: Hey beautiful, I cant stop thinking about you. or I wanna see you but there is this project at work that is eating up my time.When you respond he knows that host is reachable and keeps that in mind.

How do you know he is a pinger? 

He is always busy.
First sign is that he NEVER has time for you. Everyone MAKES time for that which is important. If he is always too busy and you are the one who is doing the reaching out, run! When he reaches out he probably just wants to check if you are still waiting for his texts and needing him just to boost his ego. Some men are just outta this world!

He calls you for hook-ups late at night
So he doesn't plan to go out with you, but when all else fails he calls you at midnight and asks you out!. No you weren't on his mind, don't flatter yourself, he just scrolled his phone and your name popped up and since your network is always open he knows that you are down for whatever and you are good to go! I have become so paranoid that I don't do random dates, if you DON'T let me know in advance that you wanna see me I will just assume that I wasn't your main plan hence no matter how plotless I am, I would rather help baby girl catch the mosquitoes in the house (she loves to do that) than go on that last minute date with you.

He doesn't want to be seen with you in public
Yes, you are some sort of secret, just wants to come to your room and rub you up BUT never takes you out  even for a simple cup of coffee or never invites you to HIS crib. You don't know where he works, his life, his friends, his family as in his life is a total secret to you. You are unable to make conversation with each other because you don't know his interests and what ticks him.All he does is whisper lots of sweet nothings to keep you going.

You are never good enough for him
Every single day he criticizes your hairdo, says you are too skinny, or too fat or too dark or wishes you were more educated, or funnier or more talkative, or didn't have that accent or whatever else!  He doesn't want to be seen with you but still wants to roll in your sheets! This is one undecided man, and even if you start really dating, you will never be good enough for him.

Guess what? he will never ever commit! he wants to string you along for the days that he is lonely and has nothing to do! He already lost respect for you when he realized you entertain him. You clearly don't know your worth!. I have said it a million times, and I will say it again, know your worth according to God's worth. You are such a PRECIOUS JEWEL you don't have to throw yourself at a man or allow him to string you along if you don't want to. 

Let It GO and God will place someone worth while in your hand.