Letting Go......

This past week I went to lay my paternal grandpa to rest. I will be honest and say I didn’t know whether to cry or just keep a straight face during the burial. That whole week I was very distant and just needed to think through my reactions. Crazy uh? At some point in our life we disconnected and thus are basically strangers. I have shut them out of my life so much that I never considered my paternal side at all. I was just happy and content with my relatives from my motherside. 

I had drama on my way there. I was in town by 4am ready to catch a shuttle (it said on the poster their first vans leave at 4am)  BUT we didn’t leave until around 6am, can you imagine wasted sleep? As if that was not enough the cops decided that they are going to do their random inspection on that day. We were held up somewhere past Naivasha for two hours! I had planned to be in Eldoret by 9am since I was planning to make the trip back. I got to Eldoret around midday but someone forgot to give me the memo that to my grandpas place is quite a distance from Eldoret! So yeah I got to the burial around 2 after getting lost a million times. Anyway on arrival I didn’t want to draw attention to myself so I stood at quite some distance watching my dad’s family.  

I had held grudges against my dad and his family for the longest time, but during my counseling sessions with my pastor, one of the things that I had to deal with was bitterness.  He insisted that we will not move forward with the sessions until I let go of all the bitterness I had built up, so day one, I decided to pretend that I am ready to let go, he said no not yet, day two he said not yet, until day five when he said now we can move on. I had two sets of bitterness; against my baby daddy for wasting so much of my time and against my dad and his family for, well a long story all together. It is not easy to erase everything that happens to you especially concerning your family and pick up your pieces just like nothing happened. 

On that day I reflected on the lessons that I picked from my Pastor and decided to share them today with someone that might be struggling with bitterness because of past relationships and things that are hard to forget. The key word here is FORGIVENESS. Forgiveness is the only KEY you need to get out of that web of bitterness. Hebrews 12: 14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled

Why should I forgive?:

That person is not even in my life, why should I forgive? He lives his own life and I live mine. My dad no longer adds value to my life. So why do I need to take that road? Why the trouble? We forgive out of obedience for GOD. We are not perfect and to stand right before GOD you need to remove everything  that is a hindrance : Matthew 6:14-16 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Have the conversation

Yes you have been hurt and everytime you think about that situation you want to scream out loud. So the first step  to letting go of all the bitterness is to have the conversation with someone you trust, someone that will not necessarily have the answers but will NOT  react as below:

• ·         Justifying,  like saying ‘but he is your dad’
• ·         Exaggerating: ‘what he did all that? You went through all that?
• ·         Pushing for more details: Like so what happened, expound?
• ·         Making you the bad cop: you see it’s your fault, you chose him
• ·         Make facial expressions: Like gasp, or frown, or even sneer

It is never easy to have that conversation! Allow yourself to express your emotions, call them names if you wish BUT DO NOT with hold anything. Say EXACTLY how you feel. 

Seek Healing:

After you have opened up you are ready to start the journey to healing. Nothing any person dead or alive can heal you honey. ONLY GOD can heal you. I prayed the BALM of GILEAD over my life and blogged about that here.Of Healing

Testing:

After the above processes you need to test whether you are ready. How do you know you have let go of all the bitterness and anger? You will know you have TRULY forgiven someone when there is some freedom you feel. You know holding grudges against people is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Newsflash! He will not die, you will die instead!

• ·         You do not feel anything when that person’s name is mentioned.
• ·         You stopped calling them weird names
• ·         The memory of the things that took place do not bring tears anymore
• ·         There are no more regrets you know like I wish I hadn’t gone down that road

Moving forward:

If you decide to forgive and move on with the relationship, you need to focus on the positive because it is so easy to go back to bitterness when the deed is repeated. For example if he cheated, and you decide to forgive and move on then if he cheats again the cycle will repeat itself. Matthew 18 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

When you speak about that person its so easy to want to soil him and bring him down BUT try to speak only the positive about him. Oh, yes, he was a dog, he let you down, he was never there for you etc BUT Focus on Philippians 4: 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things

Many have said forgive and forget, but my pastor said, Forgive, forget, let go BUT never forget the lessons you learnt from that experience.

Be very patient! Forgiveness is a very, very slow process!

The Hyponidd experience

If you know me you know how much I crave sugar, and if you visit without chocolate I actually catch REAL feelings. I crave soda and sweets and get so, so hungry you know like super hungry and when there is no food around I can gobble up someone. I have been on Hyponidd tablets for three weeks now. I love to read a lot of information about things and stuff going on around me but haven’t managed to get real info on hyponidd, thus this post. The first week I was so exhausted and slept as early as 8pm and had a massive headache I thought my head was going to explode!  My appetite went down and I was unable to explain how I actually felt you know the way you just feel meh…So I went back to the doc to ensure all is well. I asked the doc about all the crazy side effects and he went like after a while your body will adopt to the changes so I was like before it adopts what do I need to do??? Because really I wasn’t ready to live like that.  

What is Hyponidd:

In simple English Hyponidd is an Indian ayurveda diabetes tablet that is considered to be a herbal metformin without the side effects. Read aloud, it’s supposed to have no side effects? In greek (read scientific) it’s an add on anti-diabetic with antioxidant and hypolipidemic advantage (for diabetes) and herbal insulin sensitizer with D-Chiro-inostitol edge (for PCOS). Okay almost bit my tongue out just saying that.

Its advantages over Metformin:

A research done by PRlog shows that Hyponidd should be the medicine of choice in postponing need for insulin therapy. According to them: ‘Hyponidd is as effective as metformin in reducing insulin resistance, hyperandrogenemia and in increasing ovulation rate in anovulatory PCOS women with added advantage of almost no side effect of gastric disorders as found in metformin. However, the reduction in BMI and waist girth as well as decrease in the incidence of LH: FSH ratio with Hyponidd treatment was more perceptible as compared to metformin. To explain these results, particularly effect of reduced centroid obesity in the form of reduced WHR and BMI; further studies are warranted to support the efficacy of this herbal medicine’. 

Why it affects your normal body functions:

Hyponidd works by suppressing glucose production by the liver. In plain English, it works by reducing the amount of glucose made by the liver and by making it easier for glucose to enter into the tissues of the body. It has been found to be especially useful in delaying problems associated with diabetes for overweight people with diabetes. See this will definitely affect the normal functions of your body and will end up causing fatigue and all that before your body gets used to the drug.

Side Effects that I personally experience:

I was told that it is not supposed to have any side effects but this is what I experience.

·         Fatigue

·         Headaches

·         Low appetite

·         Restlessness especially at night

·         Memory loss (like simple things really for example I sign invoices as Feb instead of march!)

·         Backaches and general body aches.

Managing the side effects:

Now this is my main reason for blogging. The below simple things helped me manage the side effects:

Take lots of water! I realized on the days that I take lots of water the headaches are very minimal or none at all because I think water helps to flash out the toxins produced by the drug or something

Avoid fatty foods aka junk: I love junk and chips and all that which is illegal. So decided to eat healthy and my appetite came back up. There is something about fatty foods that made me lose my appetite and not want to eat ever again. I began to eat veges and fruits and Karela mm yak as bitter as it is but it has helped! 

Avoid both physical and emotional stress. Yes sounds so crazy but on the days that I take it easy I feel so much better! I stopped getting worked up over small issues and try to take one day at a time, literally. 

Exercise! Take a morning or evening walk for at least thirty minutes each day. 

Eat Regularly: Because my appetite disappeared I found myself skipping meals but this affected me as I got so weak and just wanted to stay in one place without moving! I later started taking bites regularly and I found that my strength came back. The prescription says to take them 30 mins before food but when I take after food it settles my stomach more than before food. So I broke a rule there but it has worked for me. 

Check your blood sugar levels regularly. This will help you manage your sugar intake and all that. 

Good luck! 

Disclaimer: This information has been written by someone who is not a doctor! Let alone a medic of any sort, so before using hyponidd consult your doctor! Plus the above tips are working for me and might not work for someone else. ‘Maumivu yakizidi muone dakitari’

Why am I still single?

Have you ever asked yourself this question? You have dated COUNTLESS men but there is always an ALMOST in every relationship. He almost committed then backed down. He almost engaged you then suddenly changed, he almost went past hello then something drew him away. Some people are single by choice and love the independence that comes with being single. Some can't get over a past hurt and are yet to fix their world together. BUT some people are single unwillingly! Some have tried to get into relationships and just when things start to get serious he/she goes cold on you, stops picking your calls or is just not the same again. 

Here is why you might still be single: 

Soul ties: 

We all have been in different relationships before,  some sexual some not. Most sexual relations end up creating ungodly soul ties and to move on in life you have to break the soul ties. I blogged about that here: Of Soul Ties Ensure that you are completely disconnected from people from your past because they could be hindering your future! 

Continuing to engage in sex:

So you have chosen a new path but still keep looking over your shoulder. You have several randoms that you keep engaging in sex with. It is extremely important to stay pure and/or practice secondary virginity even as you wait on God for that special someone. 1st Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Listen there is a difference between dating a God fearing man and a random. A random will push you for sex every single day BUT a God fearing man will always put GOD FIRST and then you. HE will RESPECT your purity and not try to UNDRESS YOU. He will always be in control. 

Having idols  in the heart:

What takes up most of your time? What do you like to do that you would rather do than stay at the feet of Jesus? You met a man but do not love that man for who he is but for what he has, maybe a prestigious job or a great car or he is hot! If all that is stripped away would you still love him? Sometimes we allow things to distract us, and eventually end up blinding us. You should always pray to GOD to take away every distraction from your heart, it is good to have a list of qualities to look for, but do not let physical things be a priority! Put GOD FIRST and everything else will come into place. Serve in church because you want to LIVE for him and not because you are looking to meet someone.

Ministry dating:

 I cannot stress this enough. Do not allow yourself to be unequally yoked. 2nd Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?…. Women like to date worldly men and we all do the all time popular thing, and say oh I will pray for him and he will soon get saved. This is what I like to call ministry dating. You date and hope to minister to them to change. Why not just associate yourself with God fearing men instead and purpose to be in the circle of Godly men? Don’t get me wrong it is OKAY to want to pray for people to change BUT do not get into an UNGODLY relationship with the HOPE of PRAYING for them to change. You will walk down that aisle with that alcoholic or whatever else and you will BLOCK all your prayers and blessings thereafter cuz that Honey you did KNOWINGLY.

Being Modest:

My sister says that I have grown old because these days I express my shock when I see extremely short skirts, you know. When I was younger I would go out in a very short skirt and low cut tops and feel nothing even if heads turn. These days the shortest I can do is just above the knee, you know those official skirts. Modesty is however a very sensitive subject especially for  the fashion conscious women. But I do believe that modesty is something that has to be addressed, traditional or not, why show all that skin? 1st Timothy 2: 9 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, Cover up to avoid leading our men into temptations and risk being labelled a woman of loose morals. Proverbs 7:10 And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart. I am certain that men want to wife a woman that is well covered up. 

Family patterns:

Generational curses are real and do exist! Have you ever seen a certain pattern repeating itself in your family? Broken marriages, childlessness, not being married at all? Well you need to take action and arise against every demonic forces of generational curses. God has given us the power to Pluck and to destroy (Jeremiah 1:10) and you also have the power over scorpions and serpents Luke 10: 19 Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.. Do not fear, take your place in the Kingdom and involve a spiritual authority if you must, but be extremely careful before breaking any altars. Seek advise from your church or pastor.

Finally:

Go out and meet people! He will not just come to you honey. Do something don’t just sit there and wait for him let him find you busy doing something. Dress up like you have a date every day, take care of your body and skin! Loose that old tshirt (The famous Seng'enge ni Ng'ombe you know, that one) and that faded shirt that you love. Refresh your wardrobe once in a while. It’s okay to spoil yourself, really it is. Set your standards and stick to them. I love my 'me time' and I think I have become too comfortable with being alone, doing my reading and my time with God that I cannot imagine another person entering my space and all that. I guess I have to work on that, uh? 

Always remember that God's timing is perfect and he always makes all things beautiful at his own time! Even when he is four days late (40years) he is still on time, so hang on, help is on its way!